focus

things I need to focus on are: my health,my relationships, my finances and my home. I am confused because it has taken me so long to realize the important things in life and the scary thing is - its so clear if you choose to look at it. I also need to keep my focus on those things so I can bring to any relationship I am in a whole person. who wants a train wreck? I know I see through train wrecks pretty quickly and I am sure there were people who saw through me. I am lucky I figured it out 6 months before I met my guy. he probably wouldn't have wanted a train wreck. I am whole and can contribute a bunch to his life and the life we are planning together.

I was thinking about when I was not focused and all of my life centered around going out and drinking with my friends. how can a life be centered around a bar? or a club? that's not what life is about. I was very functioning and made it to work and held a job and paid my bills but I had nothing in my life but that. a beer won't keep me warm at night. it also allowed me to make poor decisions. why did I continue to put myself with men that didn't want me, they just wanted a one night stand? and honestly I knew that's what I was in for, so why was I sad when that was all it ever ended being?

when I decided to stop the party and focus on myself honestly it was boring the first few weeks being at home and not drinking and clubbing, but then i realized i am not such a bad person to hang out with. i didn't need booze to be fun and have fun. it really opened me to be in the right place for the right person. I am glad i am not that person anymore, the party girl has retired the party dress.